Full Stop
by Atheniandream
Summary: Up until this point she could have lied to herself that it was the same between them as it had always been. (Spoilers for Series 2 Jan Eps.) RE-RATED to an M For Chapter 6.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Up until this point she could have lied to herself that it was the same between them as it had always been.

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**Full Stop **By Atheniandream

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Up until this point she could have lied to herself that it was the same between them as it had always been,

Before.

It had become so easy, all perfectly timed moments, looks, gestures all working in motion designed to make them the perfect team, the fire within the building, an impenetrable force within Pearson Hardman's steel walls. They were the stuff of urban legend in this sprawl of a city and she'd thought even after everything that they'd been through that they could click back to before.

They were both wrong.

It came first at her being more sensitive over his attitude to Mike missing work.

"You could call him Harvey."

Before she would have never probed or appealed to his sensitive nature, instead passing it of as him being a jackass she'd have taken the battering ram road and jackhammered her way into his frame of mind, telling him to get his head out of his ass and show that he cared.

He'd not known what to do with the gear changed and head butted her to 'just get anyone', and the change had kicked it all back into position.

The second time, it was quieter, this nagging feeling that she had been on Hardman's list, a weakness that had to be picked at gradually to break it down and in calculated waves that chilled her blood when she'd finally put all the pieces together.

Shed only ever thought of herself as a strength for Harvey, there to pick up the pieces, always to be the second if not first wave of defence; the 'filter to his day' and the special hand he had up his sleeve.

But the moment Rachel and her had gotten five minutes to themselves to catch up as the ground gradually settled back in, another cog cranked in the engine.

"So, how are you and Harvey after..?"

"We're fine."

"Really? Because you just,"

Rachel was confronted with a cold glare of her friend as she sipped on her wine all too willingly.

"You two just seem...different since you got back."

Looking into the clarifying eyes of the friendly paralegal she was momentarily floored. So she wasn't the only one to notice. _This was bad._ She kept her eyes on her drink and waited for the floodgates to open. Rachel could be like that after a drink, she wasn't the type to keep things in for very long.

"I just, he missed you, Donna. Mike said he was a mess whilst you were gone, worse than his usual self. I walked by a couple of times and… he was just staring at your desk… he looked so lost. He *really* really missed you. More than I think he'd realized. "

"I've been there for over ten years Rachel, he can't pick up his dry cleaning without me." She tried to justify, but Rachel was right. They were different. Everything felt a backwards.

"Things change." The young woman replied.

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The third was a certain pink elephant that had to be addressed.

Harvey had spent the day in and out of the conference room on a new merger that teetered on the edge of falling to pieces. She'd avoided trying to confront him all day, but the nagging scratchy feeling in her stomach was eating at her.

She leant against the sofa, face prepped, casual, and trying for 'blaze'.

"So... how is your girlfriend?"

"Donna..." He warned.

"What? I'm just, taking an interest… in your life." Her awkward poise betrayed her much needed cool exterior. This amused him, as he put down his pen and leant back in his chair. "How is… Zoe?" She continued. "Ticking all your…boxes?"

"Okay, get it all out of your system." He said.

"What?"

"Out with it. I haven't got all day."

"I just," She reasoned, "find that you dating a woman who watched me get ripped to pieces on the fake stand and be accused of being in 'love with you', puts me in a strangely awkward position every time she turns up at your office forcing me to make small-talk,"

"Okay," He tried to iron out the smile forming in his dead panned expression.

"_Or_ when answering the phone, or arranging your meetings around her,"

"Right,"

"I just. I don't like it."

"Zoe knows how I feel about her. And she knows that you were cornered on the stand, it's really a non-issue."

Frustration flared up in her head. "Not for me! Harvey, I. Don't want *that* hanging around the office."

"That?" His eyebrows shot to his hairline

"The memory!" She clarified, babbling. "Of that whole…moment… of time."

"Maybe you should talk to her about it?"

Any remaining good mood was beginning to recede and his proposal caused her to balk. The idea of having to confront a woman, who not only was witness to one of the most embarrassing two weeks of her life, but also now had a an annoyingly personal position within her bosses life niggled at her more than she thought it would.

"No, I just, needed for you, as *my* Boss, to be, aware of the personal nature of the situation at hand."

"I'm aware."

His attention immediately returned to his work, leaving her standing for what felt longer than nessesary.

"Well, good."

She didn't look up from her desk for the rest of the day.

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The fourth was seeing them, together, out of work hours. Intimate.

She'd been walking about 20 minutes from her neighbourhood on a Sunday afternoon, the cold January air whipping around her jacket collar as she searched book bins outside the trendy thrift store. Her day had been spent in perfect silence away from a heavy work week, dipping in and out of coffee shops, stores and wandering through the quitter streets to soothe her heavy head.

She stopped dead in her tracks, holding 'A Novices Guide to Cupcakes'

She hadn't expected to see him so relaxed. She stopped mid read, as she spotted him across the road, outside a café.

It wasn't often that she saw him outside, in casual attire, dressed in a Beige winter coat and jeans, looking relaxed, (happy?) arms draped around the brunette that during her chats with Rachel, had come to be referred to as 'She who shall not be named'. She looked vibrant and sexy and she all but rolled her eyes at just how obvious the woman's body language was, and how Harvey, in his infinite experience with women seemed none the wiser. They looked like something out of a catalogue, all comfortable beauty and ease. She squelched the awful bile lump rising in her throat and swallowed, thanking the heavens that they were so far across the double street that they wouldn't be able to spot her, especially with her beacon-like hair covered in a hat.

She didn't buy the book. And she never went back to that store.

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The fifth time, he had initiated it.

She'd walked into his office to pop a file on his desk and he'd just come out with it.

"She has a kid."

"Really?"

"Yeah, her name's Adele she's… very young."

"Wow. A new one for Harvey Specter, you're dating a mom. You must be growing up." She teased.

"She asked me if it was a problem. I said no." She could hear the ambiguity in his otherwise unreadable face.

"But..?" She pressed.

"I don't know, I just… kids. I, it's never been on the cards. And it's some other guy's kid."

"Oh my god, don't tell me, you know really are like every other guy-" She said, the volume rising in her throat.

"No, listen. It's a lot, too much, you know, to have that responsibility? To raise another man's child, to live up to the dream of someone who no matter how much the position of a father is filled, isn't that person. I don't know if I can be all that."

As she watched him search for meaning in what he'd said, she found a soft moment in herself to counteract his moment of self-reflection.

"Harvey," She sat in a chair opposite him, hands clasped eyes locking his. "Whether or not you think you're ready to be a dad to someone else's child, when and if you choose to do that, when you do decide to take that step… you'll be a wonderful father, because you care, and you're conscious of the mistakes that you suffered when you were young and won't make them. I'm sure Zoe thinks the same."

Feeling stifled in the moment, she rose from the chair, straightening her skirt, turning, flipping her hair a little.

"She doesn't want any more children."

"Oh. Right, and you do?"

She couldn't lay claim to the kind of man Harvey Specter was anymore. She could see him changing and growing and it burnt like a hot knife that she hadn't been the one to initiate it.

"I think I do." He said quietly.

She didn't want to delve anymore, to find out if he loved this woman that she'd been resisting the sight of. To find out if he really was changing and taking the slow path from his previous bachelor lifestyle would only complicate her already tangled personal opinions on his love life.

Maybe she was the only one who wasn't changing. Growing. _Living?_

"Can I get you anything?" She welcomed the formality that re-entered her voice, posture returning to its old form.

"A Coffee."

"Sure."

She smiled, trying to lift the corners of her mouth but faltering a little she started towards the staff room.

"Donna?" His words stopped her, as she turned.

"Yes Harvey?"

"Do you want kids?"

Usually she would have joked about her body-clock, or him propositioning her, but instead she simply replied, "Yeah. I do. Someday." and tried to not linger on his reaction or the hint of sadness in her own voice.

Some things...

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I don't know where this is going, but HEY! I've got inspiration and that is awesome.

Please FEED !


	2. Chapter 2

Full Stop - Part 2

By Atheniandream

Notes: Thankyou for the reviews! **_General Spoilers for Part 2 of Season 2._**

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_I'm am yours now, _

_So now you don't ever have to leave_

- _XX 'Islands'_

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The 6th time, or maybe it was the 1st … She wasn't sure what started it.

She'd never seen the skyline like this, rippled colour, blurry and expansive through blinking eyes, lips forming a pout with each long tongue stroke that ran from her wrist toward her collarbone, the need to writhe and arch halted by the firm grip on her wrist keeping her still as his warm weight settled, pressing between her thighs holding her down. Little pant puffs of air escaped with every inch he closed towards her mouth. His lips hovered, just a second long enough for his blackening eyes to search hers, wide and dear-caught at the notion that he, they, were about to cross a very meaningful line.

"Donna, I- " Beep-Beep-Beep-

Her face nearly hit the nightstand grabbing for her alarm and its unwelcome calling out of a very really memory.

She avoided thinking about 'the other time'. It was the reason she avoided his bedroom, avoided that look – it never happened again after that so it never seemed as hard – why she avoided going to his apartment in the evening. All moments that were inappropriate for their working relationship, and had been deemed 'classified' and locked in her head-safe.

Groggily, she made her way to the kitchen to turn on her coffee maker, turning on the radio, the TV, flicking through the repetitive news channels, anything to bring her into the modern world were fantasy and dreaming were not conducive with society and out of the fog that addled her brain.

The last few weeks had roped on her, the increasing appearances of Zoe onto the scene mixed with a heavy dose of Scottie – presumably coming back to start the ball rolling with Harvey whilst she was in town, had left her feeling uncomfortably heavy. She'd started leaving work earlier, just five or ten minutes if she could get away with it and Harvey was busy. Work had seemed so hard now, tensions fraying the edges of Harvey's general moods, Mike acting up and seemingly carrying a negative attitude around the office, teamed with Rachel still burning and Katrina Bennett running around in the bullpen like a desperate actress seeking a role, Pearson – No longer Hardman felt like an overbooked flight with a plane she was desperate to get out of.

When she pulled her building door to, she was surprised to see him leant casually against the boot of the limo.

She shook her head. "Three times in one year? This is getting to be a habit, Harvey."

"Actually this is the first time *this* year. I was in the Neighbourhood. You want a ride?"

She pretended not to notice him playing with her, waggling his eyebrows as she came to stand level with him. It was clear he'd had a good morning, and where that had come from. "What would encourage you to be this end of town on a Monday?" The moment she said it she knew she didn't want to hear the answer. ¸"Zoe lives a couple of blocks down." He replied simply, opening the door for her.

"I might have guessed." She said slipping onto the seat. "Hey Ray, he got you out a little early today. How are you?" She said, looking directly into the review mirror.

"Better for seeing you Donna, beautiful as ever I see?" He remarked shaking his head a little causing a peel of laughter to ripple out of her chest. Ray was a good man. She always welcomed his company, and had never been so thankful for a third wheel. "Thank you Ray,"

"So, you stayed over huh?" She asked; a hint of ridicule deep in her voice.

"Why the sudden interest in my personal life, Donna?"

"It's not sudden. I always ask about your conquests…specially Scottie. How is Scottie these days? Don't tell me you've been turning down a chance to 'catch up on…things'"

"Witty."

"I try."

"I don't fool around with married women Donna, you know that."

That shut her up. She did know him, what was left of the old play-boy Harvey was not an adulterous man. Too much of a bad childhood stood in the way of him crossing that line.

She looked out the window, the outside with its slowly streaking sidewalks and people going about their day, snow piled in corners as people hugged themselves against the January weather. She loved driving in the city. It was rare, but beautiful, like being in a bubble, a fish-eyed lens of the world all wrapped up in leather and steel. It was in these moments that her place in the world fell away. All job titles, all restraints removed. For the moment she could just be a woman being driven in the back of a limo with a man…

He already gotten out his side and was holding the door open for her before she was sucked back into the now.

"Donna? Are you planning on coming to work today? Or do I need Ray to drive around the block." He asked; a slight hint of frustration she could tell was him wanting to ask what was wrong with her but never actually allowing himself.

She didn't reply, and instead gave him a slightly dirty look as she swanned past him into the building.

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She thought she could hide, through everything she thought that there was at least one person, who would know NEVER to ask a question to something that she didn't want to answer.

"Donna, can I talk to you for a sec?"

Unfortunately the kid was razor sharp. She looked up above her monitor to find Mike peering down at her with a strangely worldly look in his puppy dog eyes.

"I'm busy Michael. Run along."

"Donna I'm serious."

"And I'm Donna. Sense the tone."

He ignore her, and much to her surprise, he'd already wheeled her out from under her desk and had pulled to her feet. In her shock her mouth had stopped working and her eyes had searched for Harvey, who was talking and looking out the expansive window in his office.

"Mike, what the hell do you think you're doing?" She spat at him under her breath.

"Doing what you've done for me. Would you?" he motioned for her to follow him down the hall, trying to regain a casual poise although she had no idea where he was headed until he dragged her into the disabled toilet, locking it behind him.

"What the heck are we doing in here? Have you had a pulmonary embolism? Did you fall? Or are you just very *very* high again?" Irritation at being backed into the corner was making her skin itch.

"What's going on with you?" His face was immediately dead pan.

She searched his face "What?" She said.

He frowned, "You've been weird lately, more so since you got back."

"Excuse me?"

Fire started to churn in her stomach the way she thought a mother would feel at her infuriating son but before she could disarm him he was straight in.

"Look Donna, I'm only doing this for you because you did the same for me, and I feel like Harvey is starting to notice something."

"Notice what? Mike, you're a little young for me, you still have a case of freshman face."

"Donna! I'm talking about Harvey!"

"What about Har-" She was stopped by the clearly marked 'Are you serious' look on the young guy's face.

Silence fell between them for a moment, a fixture of confusion and balled up energy waiting to be released.

"You love him. Don't you? I mean, you're in love with him."

She felt all the blood rushing out of her, and a grizzly squirm in her gut. "Mike, you really are a dumba-"

"Don't pretend with me Donna! I believed you, you know. On the stand, when you said it wasn't that simple. But you're wrong, it is. You're in love with him."

She laughed dryly at him, swerving away from him, trying to find an argument to fight against.

"I have worked for him for 10 years Mike," her teeth gritting at the admission.

"And you've loved him for what, half of that at least?"

"Well, you seem to know everything, you tell me." He joke fell flat and he had never seen the woman look so exposed.

"Look I'm only saying this because I'm seeing it, Donna and because I care. Since he's started dating someone he might actually care about, I've seen you act stranger and stranger. You're giving him the third degree about him not involving you, and grilling him about the status, like he's going to start noticing something's wrong soon if he hasn't already."

She had nothing to say again. This was an oddly common occurrence in her life when it came to this subject.

"I don't know what to do Mike. I'm losing it,"

"Because you feel like you're losing him."

She nodded.

"You have to tell him."

"I can't."

"You have to."

"I know how it ends Mike,"

"Donna I-"

"I know how it ends. " She smiled for the first time at the kid. He really was a good person. "I want my job. I love my job."

For a second there were the same wild eyes that she'd given him in the copy room as she'd held that memo.

He walked slowly past her, pausing to reach for her upper arm. "I think you love him more."

She felt the door unlock and a wave of corridor sound engulf the stall.

"You may be right about that."

She felt like her skin was on fire.

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Part 3 Coming kind of soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Full Stop Chapter 3** By Atheniandream

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_I wake up alone, _

_With only daylight between us –_

_'Intro, XX'_

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It had been 2 weeks since her Mike-shaped-ambush and she still hadn't worked up the courage to do anything other than reign herself in tighter, make sure she was acting like her old self, even if she found that distant panic making its claim every time the subject of his love life came up. Added, to this, Mike had seemed to understand and in these moments usually shot her a look of concern and shortly after gave her arm a squeeze to which she was grateful for but still batted him away with a look of indignation.

In the 7th moment, she'd never felt an overwhelming relief taking over her usual need to comfort him. It wasn't often that she'd make a joke and he'd shoot her down with a very serious truth.

"Her brother has terminal cancer. She's leaving next Friday, for good."

"Harvey… I. I'm so,"

She searched the eyes of her boss, just for a moment. He'd gotten this dull gleam in his eye from the pressures that Mike had caused recently, even if they weren't directly his fault, Harvey was the boss and he was paying the price, and as honourable a man as Harvey was, he wasn't sticking it to the kid, and instead compressing the tension down into a cubit sizeable enough to make it look like he had a constant headache. She had wanted to tell him that they could still work it out; that maybe if he told Zoe just how much she meant then she would stay. But, this wasn't a job offer; this was family, final and unbreakable.

He let out an audible sigh before saying "It's Fine" and reaching for a pen.

"Okay, let's go." She took the opportunity to snap shut the folder he'd been working on.

"What? What the hell are you doing?" He replied gruffly as he watched her take the pen out of his hand and place it promptly back in the holder.

"WE are going out and finishing early."

"Donna, I can't I have to finish this." He argued.

"No you don't," She sang, "I'll do it in the morning. You've been working flat out for weeks, its 7 o'clock, and you look like you could use a drink, a big one."

She knew that when it mattered he knew better than to defy her, and so he complied, grabbing his coat but not before grabbing Mike to finish off the paperwork and have it filed on Jessica's desk before he left and effectively ruin any evening the kid had planned.

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For a change she made Ray drive them to a bar she'd been to a few time in the East Village near her apartment, a very small, somewhat quiet bar aptly named the Mini Bar, with a vague hint of Jazz and an olde-worlde feel to it, mock-thatch roof and wine bottles lining the walls.

He'd been the one to insist on paying, perhaps as a quiet thank you for taking him out of the office. It was times like this where they both fell back into their old relationship pre-memo; where she could always raise his day to end in a positive note no matter what the circumstances had been at the start, they would have ended up laughing and her making fun of him and him not minding so much.

But those moments for her were now laced with a longing for more of the same old, and him strangely distant and withheld. She longed for the days when she was oblivious to her own nature.

"Hey." She pulled him out of his silent moment. "Maybe there's a time for you both in the future?"

"What? It's not that,"

"Really…?" She eyed him pointedly. This strange panic in her at the notion of him being with an important woman had subsided to a small bitter streak since she'd found that Zoe was in fact going to be removing herself from Harvey's life. Instead what replaced it was the little niggle in her chest that she wasn't enough to close that sore wound that he was now left with.

"Not just that. It's everything."

"Mike?"

"Yes."

"Katrina Bennett?"

"Hell yes,"

"Jessica?"

"Oh so you do know about that?"

"Harvey it's my job to know. Just because I haven't spoken to you about it..."

"Why haven't you spoken to me about it, usually you can't wait to gossip?" His attention suddenly peaked, when she didn't respond he finished his beer and motioned for the bar tender to bring two more. She ignored him, not ready to get into any of the locked closets in her head.

"Maybe Jessica will come around, see your good intentions?" She silently thanked the bartender as she moved onto the next beer, feeling the cold perspiration of the glass bottle and the slight burn of beer in her empty stomach.

He arched his brow, taking a large swig of his beer. "I don't understand why she's against me being the other managing partner. The firm is weak. Together we can make it stronger."

"Maybe the Hardman situation hit her harder than you thought it? Maybe harder than she's willing to admit? I mean she was picked by him and mentored? And she has shafted Hardman quite a few times in the last few months. Maybe she's scared you'll do the same if it ever came to it?" She saw the beginning of his objection and continued. "I know you wouldn't Harvey, but maybe Hardman never thought Jessica would do the things she's done."

"Where do we go from here?" He asked.

The question was such a simple one, but it had so many meanings to her right now.

"We'll get through it." Her sincerity was masked by the haziness of her third beer taking effect.

"How…?" He asked, and felt the full weight of his question in his need for an answer, an absolution.

In her haze beer-fog she put her hand on his shoulder. "Because I'm Donna, and you're Harvey. And we'll do what we always do…Win."

"I knew I brought you with me for a reason."

Instead of fuelling a happy camaraderie between them; it only clarified the moment.

"Why did you bring me with you, from the DA's office?"

"What? I told you, you're the best. I needed the best."

The answer caused her to be silent once more, taking another swig of beer.

"What's with you? You've been like this for a while now, don't think I haven't noticed." He eyed over the neck of his beer once more.

"Yeah," She replied, tone detached as her eyes searched the half empty bar until his voice snapped her back into their bubble.

"Mind letting me know what I've done? So I can at least argue my way out of it."

His honest nature made her chuckle bitterly, "You…You haven't done anything, Harvey."

"You sure, because you've not been the old Donna for a while now..." His eyes closed on her, slight concern painting his features. Her eyes were drawn into his, and for a second she never felt more vulnerable. Mike was right. How could he not be? He'd noticed and now she felt a fool for thinking that upping her game had made her actions invisible. This 'being read like a book' thing was starting to get really old.

"Okay." She recoiled a little, realizing that no matter how intimate, they were in the moment, chairs close to each other, slouching on the bar, within arm's reach, they *were* for all intents and purposes still in a bar. "I'm going to say something, and only because … Mike's making me do it."

"Mike's not always a smart kid Donna. Wait…what has he done now?" His temper immediately flared.

"It's not Mike."

"Really, coz I think we've had enough of Mike for both our lifetimes,"

"Harvey,"

"You're the one stalling!"

"Okay." She took in a deep breath, vaguely appreciative that this was a Friday, and that the beer was making her sluggish and a touch frivolous. "Since coming back, things have felt…different. I don't know if it's being put on the stand, or what, but -."

"We've been different."

"…Yeah,"

Trust him to know exactly what she was getting at. Sometimes she didn't give him enough credit.

"And Zoe didn't help things," He clarified.

"I *do* want you to be happy, Harvey,"

"Just not *that* happy?" He joked softly, making her laugh, then suddenly her eyes glazed over to both their surprises.

"We agreed that it was best to just be an awesome team." She said, trying still to reason with herself.

"We did. I objected, I remember vividly. You were all red hair, Egyptian cotton and owning my ass." His features sharpened, lips pouting slightly _or what that just her drunken head? _ "We're a little late for second thoughts now don't ya think?"

_"_Easy for you to say, you found somebody already!" She eyed him over the swig of her beer, and silently praised herself for saying the words.

His attention on her sharpened, causing a shiver to creep up her spine.

"Just because I care about someone, doesn't mean it's the end of the dance. I know better than to hedge my bets on one woman. I should have asked her years ago." His eyes hazed as he retreated for a second in thought.

"I am sorry."

"No you're not." His voice sounded hostile, but there was a playful smile in his lips as he necked

another bottle.

Changing the subject she looked at her watch. "I should text Ray soon."

"I already gave him the night off."

"When?"

"While you were in the bathroom, Nosey."

"Oh, aren't you the helpful one. Well, I better go,"

"I'll walk you," He immediately got up from his chair.

"Harvey, you don't have to,"

"I'll walk you,"

"I'll get a cab,"

"Donna!" He insisted, a tense look on his face at her refusal.

Donna knew one thing,

_When to be quiet… _

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The 8th time, she knew it would all be a mistake that would unravel them.

The night crisped around her feet, crunching her heels into leftover snow as she hugged her winter coat around her as they walked silently. She watched people walk past, couples laughing, couples in deep conversation, couples at ease, and couples in love… sometimes she felt like she had missed everything in the universe that had once been so important to her; a promotion that matched her talents, children in various stages of school, a husband who adored and challenged her. Not only was society screaming for it, so was she. The idea of Zoe hadn't just broken her, it had broken the notion of what she had being enough, all the sacrifice, all the late nights, all the fierce support and drive she had put into the stunning man standing next to her only to cheat herself into thinking it wasn't all towards something.

She felt that queer feeling in her gut returning as they reached her building.

"Harvey, I have to say something and I need you to just listen."

"Okay…" She could see by his expression that he didn't like where this was headed, but instead of objecting he waited like a gentleman.

"I think that memo broke me-us."

"What?"

"I did choose you over a man over my last boyfriend. And what's worse is that I'd do it now, in a heartbeat. And you know the really sick part? It took a memo and a mock trial and Mike to grab me and throw me in the damned disabled toilet to tell me that I loved you and only one not aware of it was me," Her head started to open like the dam had been broken and the floodgates had been ripped apart as she started to gain momentum of thought. "And somehow now, I'm jealous of the one woman you might actually be in love with, and I just can't be that person, Harvey. *We* only worked whilst you were screwing everything in a skirt without a care in the world and I could pretend that I was the secret woman in your life that you couldn't have but that just… it isn't true. It isn't us anymore and I meant it when I said that maybe you should be my boss anymore and now I realize why and GOD can deliver a monologue." She puffed out an exasperated breath, flicking her hair a little.

"That goddamned kid…" he groaned clenching his fists straightening his posture.

"Mike's right, Harvey, I have to live my life. And can't do that if I'm invested in yours… so… I think I should find another job. Consider this my official months' notice."

She turned on her heel grabbing hold of the cold steel handle,

"So you're just going to leave the sinking ship huh?" Anger laced his voice.

"Harvey it's not that simp-"

"I need you Donna, I thought you understood that."

"You can't have me that way Harvey. It's destroying me, and that is not the kind of person I want to be."

"But…I need you…"

She looked into his eyes, his slightly unfocused gaze, the way his jaw clenched and his nostrils flared ever so slightly, holding all the pressure in. He closed in on her, her hand still fixed to the handle. He never looked so handsome and yet so dangerous.

"Donna, I get it. I really do. But I can't right this ship alone. I need you there, with me Donna. I need you, and I don't need anything."

The admission was beautiful, but it wasn't enough.

"And I need to be loved, Harvey." She pulled the door to, "I better,"

"Donna, I-"

Losing a battle was never a colour that Harvey wore well. His shoulders hunched and face dark, she made the move whilst there was still time. "Look, maybe after I go and fill whatever's missing, maybe I can come back and be the best secretary you've ever had the pleasure of hiring twice." She smiled sadly, breath in her throat hitching, trying not to take in his reaction.

Without even waiting to hear him answer she disappeared into her building, bolting the door.

She didn't sleep until the sun came up.

* * *

Trying to take it some place new that I've never read before, but It is HARD ;) Feedback always appreciated. More coming.


	4. Chapter 4 -Re-Beta'd

**Chapter 4:**

NOTES: Apologies for the crazy file this morning. All has been re-beta'd, and a re-edited in parts.

Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and/or read so far. All Mike/Harvey interchanges written before last ep but including one choice phrase from the promo :evil face:. Hot damn Writers!

* * *

I watched you breathing,

And I wished you'd stop,

Only for long enough. – 'Chained', XX

* * *

Donna was late for work. And Looking in the mirror wasn't helping. When had she gotten so old? It was as if suddenly the notion had hit her like a bullet, she wasn't the young woman she used to be. If only there was a memo for these things…

She carefully examined her face in the mirror, tracing a series of faint lines and creases; some for laughing, usually at things Mike did, or Rachel, when she would say something so seemingly innocent and not even know the connotations it had, or at Louis, everytime Harvey would chastise him and…

When did she stop living for truth? When she was young she'd valued truth, honesty. But the past 10 years she'd spent each minute of every day lying to herself in favour of standing in the shadow of a man that felt like he radiated the sun.

She'd been blind and burnt and stubborn and she'd paid the price for too long thinking that his glory was hers. Now that she had the glasses on, was finally seeing clearly, it was time to make the move.

* * *

When Mike casually sauntered into the office at 7:55am he wasn't quite expecting Harvey to point to a seat and slam the door behind him.

"Mike, I've put up with a lot of shit from you but this takes the cake!"

"Wait, what did I-"

"DONNA!" Harvey gestured angrily to the glass doors and the empty seat.

"What? What about her?"

"You do happen to remember having a talk with her? In a bathroom?"

"Maybe..?" Mike said, starting to get a bad feeling that this was going down a road where his ass would be kicked.

He remembers the talk; hell he'd all but thrown her in the bathroom and locked them both in to get a confession out of her, but he'd learnt from past experience that Donna wasn't the easiest nut to crack and that sometimes desperate times called for desperate measures. He'd been worried about her for a while now; acting up at little things with an intensity that he'd never seen in her usually casual demeanor. In truth, he'd seen her start to unravel since she'd all but told him of a possible romantic past between her and Harvey, had started to notice that they both avoided 'that' line. Never really touching, always orbiting each other's spaces with a discretion that came from years of learning what worked.

But it wasn't working for her anymore.

"Mike I swear to God," Harvey's voice pulled him out of his daze.

"She's leaving isn't she?"

The audible sigh from Harvey confirmed as such.

"I mean, do you not use your brain?" Harvey growled, alerting Mike to every implication, all the dot's...

The young man rose to his feet. "Do you not use yours? Geezus Harvey, I mean I know you think about yourself a lot but this is *Donna*. What happened to 'protect your own'?"

"I've done nothing but protect your ass since the moment I stupidly let you through those doors and this is how you repay me? I ought to fire you right now…"

"And what about Donna? Huh? When have you EVER protected her?" Mike knew the moment he'd thought the words and they came flying out that he'd hit a nerve. This had a high possibility of turning into a shit fight.

"She doesn't need protecting." Harvey replied through gritted teeth, but Mike could even hear a little hesitancy in his voice.

"Yes she does!" He pleaded. "And you're the only one too stupid not to notice Harvey! I mean, god... she loves you... and It. Is. Killing her. And she keeps getting back up to fight your battles for you time and time again but you can't see anything past your own preservation. That's the only reason why you save my ass, because It's connected to yours and you don't want to down with the ship."

He could tell by the way Harvey's jaw set and how he rose from his chair to go to the window that Mike had laid down the gauntlet. He took his chances, this wasn't about him after all, this situation ran through them all.

"Harvey, Donna can't do this anymore and you know what I understand her, I understand what it's like love someone that you can't be with. The only difference is that I know without a shadow of a doubt Rachel feels something for me too."

"And that's your problem." Harvey eyed the young man with disdain. "Time and time again, you let your emotions get the better of you."

"Maybe if you had once in awhile you wouldn't have Donna walking out the door." As far as Mike was concerned this discussion was over.

"Where are you going?" Harvey called after his associate.

* * *

Baby in our wildest moments,

We can be the greatest

We can be the greatest

Baby I our wildest moments

We can be the worst of all. ~ 'Wildest Moments', Jessie Ware

* * *

The 9th time, it felt like a page turn. Or maybe a re-write….packing away her things into the box never felt so different from the last time, no crying for a start and definitely no expectation for her to leave.

Especially as Harvey had taken out two items for every single one that she'd put in.

"You're gonna need that still." He said.

"I never use it, " She countered.

"Well maybe I'll ask you to...label...something," He said.

The broken phrasing in his words caused her to chuckle, taking the label maker out of his hands gently,

carefully with the attention that you gave a small child.

"Everything is labelled, Harvey."

"But you still have a day left,"

"And I don't wanna take the label maker with me to my leaving drinks, It's not exactly an appropriate coat-check item."

She'd noted that he'd been like this for days now, awkwardly standing in the way of a range of moments, rights of passage and things she had to do, like removing her food items from the partner's kitchen; replacing the many bags of Cheetos she would not be pretending to replace on a regular basis from the associates kitchen. All little things that she thought had never made an impact on her life were now being compiled on a list of 'things to do and never do again', a list that Harvey was putting all of his attention into stopping her completing.

She had known that when she picked up the can opener there'd be trouble when he forewent the box and took it straight out of her hand.

"I have trial tomorrow, aren't we gonna..?"

"Maybe we shouldn't do a last time. Just keep it… you know, a cliff hanger?"

The look on his face was priceless. The man showed emotion in the oddest ways at the oddest moments.

"Oh come on Harvey, it's not like you did it when I was fired." She reasoned.

"I never went to trial."

"Mock?" She reminded him.

"Doesn't count."

"Semantics… look, will you please stop! Don't you have clients to molest instead?" She waited for a reply, searching for the clock in her box. "You have a meeting in a half hour." She eyed him, the irritation of him standing over her welling up inside.

"Get Mike to oversee it. I'm busy." The small smile of his was not lost on her and there it was. The Harvey Specter charm.

* * *

Take me back

Give it up, give it up to me

Cause I cant go on if your love isn't strong

See I want it all

Give me, give me all your love

But if you can't hold on 'Don't Save Me' ~ Haim

* * *

Donna been the first one to say no to a leaving party and of course most people were taken aback, and sure she loved a party as much as the next person, but it wasn't like she was leaving to have a baby or leaving to start a business, in truth she was leaving because of a man, and that wasn't exactly something she wanted on a banner. 'Congratulations! You've finally given up on Harvey Specter!'

She'd tried to keep it low key, maybe a small get together at a local bar; but for she found out the full extent of Rachel's 'good will meddling' almost half the firm had rsvp'd to her 'quiet goodbye drinks'.

This was going to be a quiet nightmare.

She now dreaded every single prospective minute of it.

And Harvey hadn't helped, the moments when he was in the office he'd confined himself, avoiding conversation and instead took to glaring at her with what she thought looked like disappointment, but could maybe be regret. And Instead of cracking that nut she opted for a quiet day and tried not to linger over finding herself missing all over the office; no pens, no biros no post-its or little pieces of bluetack shaped into little animals that Mike would gift her with. Her cubicle had been officially cleansed of her and ready for the new assistant, God help them...

Since getting in she'd been picking at something to wear, almost stubbornly deciding against everything in her wardrobe, until Rachel had called her to make sure she wasn't backing out, and with receiver going down and a hesitant 'yes' still on her lips she'd decided on a turquoise empire line dress cut to the knee and a pair of gold and black Jimmy Choo's.

Garish,

Classic,

...Armour.

She picked at her jewellery absent mindedly thumbing the pairs of many jewels on her earrings. At least if she looked fabulous then she could feel fabulous and at the end of the day five firms had already offered places at theirs within the first day of her notice going to out - via her extensive underground assistant channels - so she really did had the pick of the crop as far as choices. Instead she'd decided to take a week off, take time out and then decide. After all, every single offer - to her flattered amusement - had been open ended offers. Still, it didn't lessen the fact that she would miss her job and Harvey and the world that she'd helped build up at the firm. She could lie to herself that as much as this would be good for her, it wasn't going to be easy, such drastic change, and like her decision it would all be an adjustment.

She went for the larger earrings of the two.

* * *

Could have put so much more in here, but lets leave that for a Chapter 5... ;-)


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Notes: Thanks so much for all the reviews, there is some Mike/Harvey in here...my favourite developing bro-mance.

* * *

Take me back to the way that I was before,  
Hungry for what was to come,  
Now I am longing for the way I was. 'Don't save me' ~ Haim

* * *

Getting out of the cab, Donna was met with the full implication of the event. This would be the last time she would be part of this firm. Something she'd invested so many years into would no longer be her concern. And one thing she thrived on was concern, the need to rise to the occasion, beat the queue, solve the riddle, there would from this day on be no need for her to involve herself in the matters of Pearson Hardman. She walked up to the door, nodding thanks at the doorman as she glided into the venue. It was time, however, there were still things she didn't want to be asked or told tonight:

**_'Why are you leaving the firm?'_**, and for those with gossip on their lips and alcohol on their breath:

**_'How could you leave after being Harvey Specter's assistant for nearly ten years?'_**

And,

**_'How was Harvey taking all of this?'_**

She was sure all of them would come up...

"Donna!" She heard Rachel before she saw her until her waving hand could just about be seen over the very busy bar. She inhaled a long breath, levelling herself before sauntering through the huge crowds of people. It was Friday night in New York after all, it was no surprise that crowds were lining blocks from the East Village to Brooklyn; but the turnout for her was giving her goose pimples. "So glad you're here, I was a little worried you were going to cancel, we're just in the back.", said her friend, ushering her along.

She could see Mike at the bar, being ceremoniously ignored by all the bar staff as he waved down people at random; Louis with a gaggle of associates too scared to venture from his side by the sheer third degree he was giving them all; Harold, who she'd noticed had turned up even though he was no longer a member of the firm, accompanied by a lawyer she vaguely remembered as the one being ask to leave over Rachel's out-of-character suspension and a leaked client list - he didn't seem to look like a guy out of a job - she noted. She also saw a couple of people she'd befriended from 46th floor during her swift stay...and eventually she saw Harvey sat quietly next to a glass of amber liquid and a standing Jessica. Norma, however, was nowhere to be seen but most likely she'd receive flowers from her in a few days time with a labored excuse.

Spying the Big Boss hovering awkwardly, her lack of drink and the bag in her hand revealed that she had only come to say her goodbyes, Donna thought she might as well start with her. _Better to rip off that Band-Aid…_

"Hi Jessica, thank you for coming, you didn't have to,"

"I'm not staying, but I thought I'd just come to say … thank you. You've been an asset to Harvey and the firm and I am grateful. I hope you find what you're looking for."

She knew Jessica. She wasn't always a woman known for her words, sometimes she just had to look at you and you knew where you stood. Since Donna had been back Jessica had seemed hardened with regards to her; accepted her help and assistance in matters that could save the firm, especially with Harvey, but from a personal standpoint Donna could feel this slight animosity, a disapproval. She supposed that deep down both women were well aware of why she was leaving, and why her ambiguous relationship with Harvey was just as helpful as it was something to hinder them.

"Thank You Jessica," She said, watching the woman glide away, the image of her last cordial-but knowing smile chastising her.

* * *

'Don't treat me bad  
Just be glad I am strong  
I know where I belong'  
And soon you will see  
We are blessed and complete,  
There's a place here for you with me ~ 'Where I belong' Sia

* * *

After an hour of being accosted by every associate in the firm, their infantile approaches to flattery met with half-acceptances, she'd finally found a minute to confront Harvey, who hadn't once approached her and had barely acknowledged her save for a pointed look when she'd first arrived. Eventually she found the right moment, until his associate jumped in.

"When I said what I said, I never intended for you leave, Donna." His honest expression hit her like the puppy she always considered him to be.

"Mike... this is *not* about you," She smiled, giving his arm a gentle squeeze.

"I know but, I don't want you to go. Harvey doesn't want you to go either,"

"I know but it's not...I'm not, sometimes, things have to change, Micheal."

"Is this really what you want?"

"It's not the same since I got back," Her honest words drew him in closer, making them more intimate in the loud room.

"And you can't just talk to him?" He saw her clamming up and rushed to continue. "Look, all I know, is...when we were under attack, Harvey settled the lawsuit against the firm. I told him that I had made you come to the trial that day and he didn't know, he assumed that it was because you asked him...and then...he settled."

"Mike, Harvey will always, always protect himself and the firm, first and foremost. I accepted that when I took a job with him."

"Maybe he's changing?"

This kid would be the end of her, eyes honest and opinion infallible, it grated on her and yet, it lit a small part of her. Inch by inch this young man had woven into her heart. If she'd had little brother, she'd hoped he would have been something like Mike Ross.

"Some things never change, Mike," She assured him with a small smile. She really was going to miss this small pain in her ass.

* * *

And if I had to beg for your love,  
Would it ever be enough? ~ 'Don't save me' Haim

* * *

She found him towards the back, leaning against the bar with a Macallan on the rocks with a twist. Clearly his fantastic mood had scared even Mike off.

"So, you gonna sulk all evening?" She asked, hands coming to rest on her hips with an indignant look plastered all over her face. He'd probably been downing Scotch since he'd gotten here because his edges were worn down, that bravado he wore was just slightly off kilter looking mismatched with his classic style.

"This is stupid," He drawled, rolling his eyes like the whole situation was a waste of his time.

"I know you don't agree with my decision, Harvey. But it's happening." She said, his mood grating on her.

"What happened to being a team, Donna? You just gonna leave like that?"

"I gave you a month, Harvey, it's not my fault you haven't found a replacement yet," She started to feel very irritated.

"There is no viable candidate," She watched as he looked down at the twist caught up in a mini tornado as he swirled the amber liquid around in his glass.

"Couldn't you just be happy for me?"

"Fine, I'm happy."

His detached reply immediately set her off.

"Seriously, could you cut me a break?" She said, that fire she tried desperately to quash flared up in her belly, mixing with pineapple and vodka and intent. "You know what, you really are a jackass. This is my night and I'm not going to have you pulling me the hell down with you."

That piqued his interest. "Excuse me?" He put down his glass.

"I know that your girlfriend had to leave you Harvey, and I'm sorry about that, but that is not my problem." She couldn't help but let the alcohol - 'Flirtinis' being her choice poison of the night - fuel the last weeks worth of frustration.

He laughed, clipped and guttural. "You think this is about Zoe?"

"Well…isn't it? Either that or you're the most emotionally underdeveloped nearly middle-aged man that I've ever- you know what, Harvey? Do what you want, I no longer have to navigate through the world of 'Harvey Specter' as of... two hours ago," She spun on her heels, looking for any exit or a washroom she could find to calm herself down out of the way of prying eyes.

Before she'd made it to the second set of doors a hand grabbed her shoulder pulling her back around, bringing his lips to hers.

She'd forgotten what it was like to kiss Harvey Specter.

* * *

'We used to get closer than this,  
Is it something you miss?' ~ 'Chained' The XX

* * *

The 10th time was like the 'other time'.

His back hit the doors as she'd pushed him out of the second corridor, hands fumbling, faces full of fire. His lips crashed against her shoulder, sweeping up her neck and jaw line as he gasped in the smell of her, heady and sweet and coming from all over. He roughly grasped at her hips pulling her flush against him, asserting himself as he pressed her body against the wall. She shivered, sucking at his tongue and mouth as her hands fingered his collar.

"I want you to stay," the heaviness in his voice weighing down each word.

"I can't," She said through their fighting mouths.

"Stay." He pleaded.

"Harvey…"

"Be someone else's assistant, just stay," His lips and teeth collided with hers again, sucking roughly.

"That wouldn't work," She gasped.

"Then be mine." He said, pressing more than enough emphasis on the last word.

"It's not working anymore Harvey," Her eyes searched his.

With that, he pulled away, it stunning him for a second, his face betraying an expression that she couldn't decipher. Then he changed his mind, returning against her, his hands sliding up to her face as his breath came in small shallow gasps. "I don't want to know what it feels like to lose you. I can't,"

They paused, connected in silence and breathing together, catching each breath as the low blue lights contacted black vinyl walls blurring the view of their connected form. She braced herself against him, regained her balance and gently placing her lips softly on the line of his jaw, his cologne making her heady. Her lips grazed his ear, just long enough to whisper her reply.

"You never had me in the first place," she said, before sliding sideways out of his grasp and back into the party.

The click of heels had silenced them both.

After all they'd been through, whether or not he meant every word, she would never let herself be closed by Harvey Specter.

That was the line.

* * *

When she returned, Rachel - being ever omniscient this evening - was waiting for her. She'd checked herself in the glass walls so that her hair didn't look out of place, but she hadn't had time to put anymore lipstick on and Rachel would notice, or at the very least Mike would. Luckily, he was too busy avoiding Louis's needy comedy routine to notice; otherwise god knows what he'd have put together.

"Donna, are you okay?"

"Fine!" She replied, feeling a little wide eyed and out of breath but completely wired.

"…Where's Harvey?" Rachel asked her, eyes concerned.

_Some things you can't hide from those who know you..._

"He had to go outside, Phone call." She said, the fake smile not lost on herself. "Let's get a drink."

* * *

You know I love you so,  
Even though I can't get you now  
You know I love you so,  
Forgetting all of my tries  
You know I left you lonely  
You always leave me with doubt  
You know I love you so,  
And so, 'Love you so' ~ Delilah

* * *

When Mike opened the door at 1:40am his boss was the last person he'd expected to see.

"Evening… or is it…Morning?" He side stepped as Harvey paraded into his very small apartment.

"So I gather you didn't make a huge mistake with…Rachel this evening?" The slight drawl and ease of tone wasn't lost on Mike. He eyed his boss as the man walked awkwardly around his very small living area, clearly something praying on his mind.

"No, we're um, we're just trying at being friends-did you want something? And where did you go earlier we were looking for you but you just...took off,"

"Yeah I went home," He answered, picking up various inane items that he found.

"Why didn't you stick around, you didn't even say bye to Donna?"

"...I kissed her..."

"What?" For a moment the young man was completely taken aback. "Nooo...really? What happened? I assume nothing good or you wouldn't be... here. Not that I don't enjoy my boss dropping by in the middle of the night unannounced."

Harvey looked pointedly at Mike and then continued to casually pick through his things. They didn't need to say it. Mike had interrupted many an evening since he'd started working for Harvey. _Maybe this was just something that they did?_

"Harvey, are you drunk?"

"Not as much as I need to be to have this conversation, do you have beer around here? I  
pay you enough,"

"Wow did you have any friends in high school? Or did you go around all their houses and take  
their cookies..." He walked to the fridge pulling out two beers, knocking the tops off and handing one to Harvey.

"Isn't that more of a kindergarten deal?

"Start from the beginning," He rolled his eyes, planting himself against the kitchen top counter.

"I was trying to get her to stay," He said, rubbing his hands over his face.

"And that was the only card you had left to play?" Mike joked.

"No it wasn't like that," He waved off the insinuation; sitting in what later they would refer to as his usual spot at the little dining table. "In the beginning, when we were... your age,"

"Thanks Grandpa,"

"We were reckless, we skirted the rules in every sense, everyday, but we were driven. She was this fiery redhead with legs that could touch the sky and eyes that could shoot down a guy at fifty paces. And every guy in the DA's office wanted her as their secretary or at least spread out on their desk, including Cameron, but…she chose me." Harvey watched as the young man's face lit up with intrigue, to which he promptly shot down. "Unlike them, I promised her that we could rise to the top together, and that I'd win every time. And I said I'd do it without ever trying to get her into bed."

"Well you kept your promise back then,"

"That was the easy part. The hard part was not crossing the lines...Jessica had an eye on us from the moment I came back. She told me to be careful more than a few times..."

"Jessica actually said that to you? 'Be careful?"

"Jessica's a smart woman, she doesn't say anything until it needs to be said," Harvey noted.

"Because you tested the lines," Mike suggested, waiting for his boss to continue.

"We went out one night, after a huge win, just us, we let our guards down and one thing led to... we kissed. And,"

"I guess this is what she meant..." Said Mike.

"What…?"

"She told me that it was possible to come back from the place that Rachel and I  
were at. At the time she never elaborated and it always made me wonder if she meant you...did you two..?"

"Back then, she said it'd be a mistake; that it would cost us. So we just left it, went back to normal. "

"So she's the only women in Manhattan you haven't slept with?" Mike asked.

"You're a comedian, you know that?" He countered, balancing the bottle from one hand to another like a catcher's mitt and ball.

"So what happened tonight?" Said Mike, trying to bring the conversation to the current to appease his need to know how Harvey had wound up at his door.

"I just.. I didn't... I *don't* want her to leave."

"Harvey, she's already left,"

"Why do you think I kissed her!"

"And what did she do?"

"Oh she kissed me back. Then, she said she wouldn't be...closed by me."

"Were you trying to...'close her'?" He asked, trying to clarify the events at hands.

"No I just..." His sentence stopped mid air, the usual need to keep his thoughts to himself taking over.

"Harvey, I know you're not exactly Mr Reveal but, in the interests of why you came over here...I have to ask...Do you love...Donna Paulsen?"

* * *

**I left it here because cliffhangers are like awesomely horrific torture. You're welcome ;-)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes**: Big Thanks again to everyone who's reviewed so far;  
I just love how Mike has the propensity to a be a little gossip.  
I have an end written that I'm trying desperately to get to!

**WARNING**: Rating has gone up from T to M. Apologies for anyone who now cannot read it.  
If I get a lot of PMs about this, I'll do an alternative Chapter and post on tumblr, this is most likely the only M part.

**CHAPTER 6**

* * *

'Don't make me sad  
Don't make me cry  
Sometimes life is not enough  
And the road gets tough,  
I don't know why.' - Lana Del Ray, Born to Die

* * *

_**"Harvey...do you love...Donna Paulsen?"**_

The question thudded, every syllable reverberating against his frontal lobe, this gnawing pain in his head throbbing, a mixture of stress and scotch; an indication that he'd reached his limit of alcohol and just about everything else.

Mike pushed again having found him silent at the first attempt.

"Harvey...do you love her? Answer the question."

"Who are you? Louis?" He said, shrugging away from Mike once again walking in no particular direction around the living room.

"Do you love her? Yes or No?" Mike said, a tender, pragmatic edge to his voice.

"My father loved her,"

"Yeah?"

"He used to speak to her most days.. she'd pass him onto me and the first thing he'd ask was why I hadn't married her yet...every time I'd say to him 'it's not like that, we're not like that', and every single time he called me a Jackass."

"Smart Guy...and now?"

"Now? I don't know," He said, taking a last swig of beer and placing it on the coffee table.

"Your problem is you have this beautiful, smart, intelligent woman in front of you who genuinely loves you and has never really had any competition for you to discover if you actually have feelings enough to fight for her,"

"Actually, there were a few guys... she got engaged once, "

"What? And what happened?" He said, suddenly interested.

"Were you not listening at the mock trial?"

For Mike, suddenly all the pieces fell in place.

"That was *the guy*? Oh my god Harvey, she chose you over her *fiance*?"

"Can I point out, *I* never asked her to chose. He...did that." He replied defensively.

"I'm pretty sure you didn't make it easy for her...did you?" Mike goaded.

"The guy was an idiot; some Pediatrician in Tribeca. Tried to steal her away from me at some evening out with the Partners."

"Steal her away? ... Look, Harvey, if you don't find an answer to that question then you can't resolve any of this," said Mike.

"I know," He rubbed his hands over his face once more sinking into the sofa as Mike joined him.

"This is a little 'schoolyard', but maybe you should go see her, try and keep your hands off long enough to maybe...talk to her?"

Mike waited, watching his Boss in what could only be described as suspended animation for what felt like hours.

"Well you've been no help," Harvey immediately got up, grabbing his coat.

"Are you kidding? I couldn't have been a better Wilson to your Tim,"

"Really? 'Home Improvement'? Do don't even have a fence..."

"Hey, I could have pulled out an 'Al' but I didn't feel like it was right for the moment,"

"Thanks for the beer,"

* * *

After all the time  
After you  
Had you seen me with someone new  
Hanging so high for your return  
But the stillness is a burn

I can't give it up  
To someone elses touch  
Because I care too much - 'Infinity', The XX

* * *

Donna Paulsen was not, nor would ever be a fan of blind dates.

They were staged in the worst way, forced and almost always awkward. Plus, they mostly included going out with some investment banker; divorced, two kids, bitter that the wife had taken everything and looking for a 20-something stripper who could do the splits but was too afraid to look like the asshole that he most probably was in front of modern society. Therefore, he would subject some poor 30-something woman who was perhaps very attractive, to feel inadequate at not meeting an expectation that he was still looking for. It was a repetitive notion, one she'd seen time and time again and she was not a fan of wasting her evening on that. However, her friend June insisted that the guy was a friend of a friend and *not* an investment banker and that it was time for Donna to get back on the horse, as it were.

Unfortunately, she'd arranged the date pre-Harvey kissing her, with the experience still fresh and the memory of it just a thought away. She'd tried the remainder of the weekend to keep the vivid imagery at bay, busying herself with multiple sensory overload between the calorific food, mainstream music and brain-numbingly boring daytime television; but there was only so much you could escape.

So here she was, sat at a small table on a quiet Monday night in Little Italy fiddling with her Napkin.

"Donna, right?"

She followed the voice, looking up at a youngish man, dark brown hair, light blue eyes, overly innocent demeanour.

"Craig?"

The man nodded, sitting opposite her, noticeably anxious. "Craig Jenson."

"Donna Paulsen, Hi."

"Sorry I'm late, have you been waiting long?"

"No," She waved him off, "Not that long, would you like a drink?"

"Would it seem bad if I said yes?" He laughed self consciously causing her to join in.

"No, not at all."

"Blind dates huh?" He joked, nervous and a little taken-a-back. _It was cute._

"Yeah,"

He ushered the waitress over, ordering a glass of Merlot.

"So, June tells me you work at a law firm?" He asks, taking a swig of wine.

"Yes," She lied, not seeing the point in discussing everything that had happened over the last month. _Somethings were not meant for 1st dates..._ "I'm an executive assistant to a Partner at Pearson Hardman."

"Wow, that's a big firm, I've heard of them. In the press a lot?"

"Yeah, June said that you're a writer?" She said, trying to change the subject as soon as possible.

"Yeah, freelance, mostly small articles, reviews, that sort of thing." he said,

"What kind of articles do you write?"

"Oh, all kinds, it depends on the feature; I tend to write a lot of architectural articles, the freeform of New York City verses its development; how the economy changes the way we develop the city. I love the art side of New York and how people miss it. Or sometimes, where it's a focus and people use it to help the healing of New York since the recession,"

"I sometimes wish that I'd focused on the arts more,"

"Yeah? What would you liked to have to done?" He leaned forward, engaged.

"Probably act; I love the theatre a lot. It's my biggest passion. But I love...my job," She said, trying not to let the weight of the topic unsettle her. "And I'm good at it it's just that I wonder, sometimes, what would have happened if I'd pursued something closer to my heart."

"Me too. I wanted to be a - and please excuse the masculinity dip here - a Botanist."

"Really? Green Fingers huh?"

"Yeah." He smiled, catching her eye for a moment. "I wonder where I'd have ended up had I continued to study,"

"On the west coast of South America maybe?"

"Yeah! Exactly, the world is our oyster. It's hard sometimes to remember that, especially in New York."

"You could write anywere,"

"And you could act anywhere,"

"I could act better in New York," She found herself staring back at this man, open, and honest and warm. It made her selfconcious.

"Well, speaking of oysters," She said, a slight calm settling in as she grabbed her menu. "We should order?"

* * *

You gotta choose  
Who's going home with you tonight  
Is it me?  
I gotta know where we go from here  
Red, Amber, Green,  
~ 'Gotta Choose' ~ Fink

* * *

She knew when he'd offered to have her driven home first that the date was going well. Craig was nice, seemingly one of the last geniunely kind guys with a passion still left in his heart and a similar take on life as herself. He was also quite attractive without being a playboy, which was a refreshing. More earthy; not necessarily her usual type, but there was something about the dimples on either side of his face teamed with this almost lack of awareness of how cute he was making him seem even more attractive.

_Yes, _She thought, she'd like to see this Craig again; even through the fog of the past month, there was something about this man that stuck with her, something she wanted to figure out.

The cab pulled to slow halt outside her building. He held the door open for her and she smiled in reply as they walked slowly towards the building's entrance.

"So, this was..."

"The best blind date I've ever had?' He suggested, humour and ambiguity colouring every word causing her to laugh again.

"It was okay," She jested, noticeably teasing him.

"A 'five'?"

"Maybe a seven?"

"Wow, it felt like a seven." He joked, eliciting a full out chuckle from Donna.

Her eyes searched his, a small shiver rising from her stomach to her diaphragm, she knew this was the moment, the big enchilada.

"...Harvey..."

The words left her mouth before her brain could take them back. Harvey 'The Worst Timing Ever' Specter was standing on the sidewalk.

She didn't use the word 'Fuck' often...

Her eyes suddenly flicked back to the man staring back at her who was **_almost_ **none the wiser.

"What did you say?" He asked.

"Um, I have to cut our goodbye a little short, Craig. I've had a really **really** great time though. And please don't misconstrue this as a 'brush off'...my...boss... is standing over there, behind you and I'm guessing he's here because of a problem at work. I'm really sorry." She said, kissing him quickly on the cheek.

"Okay," He said, squinting at the man behind him. "Well, um... I'd like to call you? Maybe have a non-blind date next time?"

"I'd like that."

As she watched Craig getting into the cab, smilling one last time, the warm, dewey feeling slowly diminishing as a fiery sharp tang filled its place. She noticed Harvey still waiting, hands in pockets. She approached, kicking her heels a little in frustration.

"What, Harvey?"

"Had a date, huh?" The slight edge in his voice wasn't lost on her. She hadn't worked for him for nearly 10 years not to know what the nuances in his voice meant.

"Which you ruined the end of by the way," She said, walking to the front door.

He followed her into the building and up the stairs until she was fumbling around in her bag for her keys.

Giving her a look, he bypassed her, reaching into the pocket of her thick black coat, pulling out the keys and dangling them patronisingly in front of her.

"I watched you put them in there. Listen, Donna,"

She frowned at him, opening her door, flicking the nearest switch to her lounge and shrugging off her coat. "What? Why are you here?" She gestured.

"I didn't come here to fight,"

"Really? Wow, I wish this Harvey Specter had been at my party!"

"Donna," He pleaded, fighting his ground.

"What Harvey?" She said, using his name like a weapon. "You get mad at me at my leaving party, you publicly sulk all night and the next thing I know you have your hand up my skirt and your tongue down my throat. And now, you're hanging around my apartment building like a lost boy and ruining the ends of my dates."

"Hey, you kissed me back,"

"That was a mistake,"

"Really?"

She knew pointing the finger wasn't going to justify anything to this man.

"You were sad about Zoe, and I was drunk," She reasoned.

"Donna, this** isn't** about-"

"You're changing, clearly you're moving out of the playboy lifestyle and you want something real now, I get that." She said, taking off her earrings and tossing them into her key-bowl.

"Hey, didn't I buy you those-Donna LOOK, I THINK I LOVE YOU SO IF YOU COULD JUST,"

"What?"

"You heard me, I think that... I might..." He gestured in the vain hope that he wouldn't have to "Love you." ... repeat the words.

It may have felt like pulling teeth for him but for her it was like taking a bullet, the slow-motion impact felt like it had pushed her five feet in the air. She thought the time she'd been accused of loving him in public was bad enough but this was possibly worse. It all felt so wrong. _What was wrong with them?_

"This is just an adjustment Harvey. You don't love me,"

"And how do you know?" He countered, a slight irritation framing the words.

"Because if you did I'd have noticed."

"You don't know everything."

"I'm the best friend, Harvey, the one that is always there. You're just missing someone always being there that's all. It'll pass. It's only been one day."

He came closer to her, an open interest in her face, almost seeing through her. "I really hurt you, didn't I?"

"No Harvey, I hurt myself. You were just on the other end of it."

"You're scared," His chest puffed out a little, goading her.

"No Harvey, I'm just over it." She replied, detached, blaze.

He closed in on her, faces inches from hers, his warm breath grazing her cheekbone.

"Even when you're angry you look...**_very_** beautiful." He whispered, the words alien but his eyes watching with a familiar mirth. Hers widened a little before she had time to check herself. She wanted to tell him that it wasn't for his benefit, but she didn't want to be a bitch; it was unbecoming. A breath hitched in her throat, trying to come up with a coherant arguement. But they were both sober this time - her having had only one glass of wine with dinner and him clearly lucid if not a touch out of character - they didn't flow together quite as easily this time. She watched him, thinking through every possible action in a matter of seconds.

She wanted him to leave. She needed him, for her sanity's sake to leave, right now.

She must have zoned out for a second because the next thing she knew his tongue had flicked gently against hers, testing, careful. She hadn't been able to connect her thoughts to speech as his fingers found the edges of her hair. She opened her mouth more, tasting the coffee and those little mints he keeps in his desk draw, as her tongue swept over his, his lips soft and the slight stubble on his chin tickling her jaw.

As if a flick had been switched, their kisses suddenly became insatiable, his right hand moved across the fabric of her silk dress, cupping her breast, thumbing at the nipple as his right hand pulled their hips together. She reciprocated, moving in a wave of desire as her hands fell under his suit jacket, finding the skin of his back from between his pulled-out shirt and pants until she couldn't feel enough of him and yanked him out of the sleeves of his jacket, both of them forgetting the thousands that it cost and letting it thud to the floor in a messy pile.

Losing any notion of a bedroom or her open drapes out into city's night, he backed her up gradually against the door and she complied, kicking off her heels and letting him suck at the skin just under her chin, rough and possessive as their pace fastened, continuing to assault her lips as they both fought for control.

Her hands loosened his windsor completely, aggressively throwing it over his shoulder as he ground into her rhythmically, every time a little harder than before. It was too much for her as her hands fingered his buckle, almost ripping the clasp open. He joined her at the buttons of his suit pants, both heaving against eachother, she sucked at his earlobe, tasting salt and cologne, eliciting a hitched breath when his hand went under her skirt, quickly removing her panties and cupping her ass in the process.

Her stomach lurched as he picked her off the ground, her back hitting the door; he lifted her leg, paying attention to kiss the top of her knee before he wrapped it around his waist, one hand around her waist and the other palm flat against the door as he thrust fully into her.

"Harder," She mumbled, breathless; cheek against cheek.

Donna had never been the one to jump to endgame. Like most women she enjoyed the foreplay, being treated to satisfaction before was an unwritten gentlemans's rule in Manhattan, but this was beyond that. In the moment she wanted nothing more than to be fucked by Harvey Specter; primal and urgent. Her nails dug into his back as he touched the right spot, grunting quietly, her breath matching his as he gained pace, her eyes fluttering, her mouth pouting and a little frown forming as she felt his fingers working against her sensative spot in a counter-rhythm. Before she could acknowledge the fact, she was coming all over him, knocking her head against the the back of the door, with him thrusting harder, sweat pouring; he soon followed moments after.

His head fell to her shoulder, body slumping and the feel of his legs quivering slightly against hers as he put her down. They stayed like that for a few seconds, regaining their breath and civility until he withdrew from her and began to quietly redress himself as she pulled down her dress, peeling her moist back off of the door.

She felt at odds; even in a post-coytal daze half of her wanted to drag him to her bed so she could see what his hair really looked like in the morning; the other half desperate for him to leave.

"So..." She smiled nervously.

"I should go...?" He rubbed at his neck unsure of his own words.

"Yes."

She watched as he searched her face, wondering of what was really going on in the back of her mind. She had never been so thankful that he didn't know her as well as she knew him. She could see him eventually resigning himself to a lack of understanding, his back hunching in defeat. She'd only seen that once from him once before, when he'd failed to catch her at the elevator. She didn't like it then, either. She side stepped as he reached for the door. She held it open for him as he turned back to her, his eyes dark and unyielding.

"I'll call you," He said, jaw flexing.

"Okay," She nodded. Game face.

* * *

It's taken long enough to see,  
Your true colours,  
You've got so many baby,  
You're like a fuckin rainbow,  
Just let me revel in your blue notes, ~ 'Honesty' ~ Fink

* * *

She finally let out the sigh she'd been carrying since he'd left, the sound of the water rushing immediately, calming her as she turned on the old bath taps, the smell of lavender and calendula soothing aching muscles as she poured the mixture into her bath. Waiting for the bath to half fill, she slipped into the water, pulling her hair to form a knot on the top of her head.

She kept replaying the last half hour in her head with a high definition quality; the smell of his hair, the feeling of his teeth against hers, the way her moved inside her like he was claiming her.

She *was* scared. Of what they were, what they could be. And how hard it would be to get there. They had avoided a chasym-worth of their potential relationship for such a long time, only navigating in the comfort of the professional. Maybe they didn't have what it took to be anything more? It would mean changing themselves and eachother too much...

It was time to be resolute.

* * *

_And no Rivers and no Lakes could put the Fire out_ ~ 'Seven Dials' Florence and the Machine


	7. Chapter 7

Notes: Next Chapter may be the last. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far!

* * *

**Chapter 7**

Harvey had spent the last two weeks expertly avoiding Donna's desk. At first he tried to kid himself that she was on vacation for the only time in 6 years; which of course didn't wash because Donna never took time off unless he did and he hadn't taken as much time as he should have in the past few years. It felt like the desk was glaring at him, blaring the knowledge right at him that Donna was not at her desk right now, that this was not the way things were supposed to be and that no matter what ass - in more ways than one - sat in **that** chair, it was forever vacant unless **Donna** was there. It had nagged at him the last time she'd been absent, raw with the guilt he had for not stepping in and saving her before she'd gotten fired. This time there was no guilt, no real fault. It was a very sad end to something that she felt wasn't working, no matter what his thoughts were on the matter. She'd insisted that this was the only way forward and he hadn't pushed like he usually would have.

Therefore, It would always be referred to as 'Donna's desk'.

"Hello Harvey," The distinct voice broke him out of his reverie, eyes looking up to find Zoe Lawford leaning casually against the door jam, before gliding in on those legs he had a fondness for.

"Zoe. What brings you to town? You should have called."

"Just, seeing an old friend. I wasn't actually sure if we were still on speaking terms." She half-joked. "I know it was all badly timed..."

"Yeah, it was." He said, voice flat as a rail.

"How are you?"

"I'm..Good. How's Olivia?" He smiled a little at the recognition of the very charming little girl.

"She's...adjusting. It's going to take a while but we're...okay." She smiled at him and for a second he could see her thinking; wondering about them.

"You should send me your address, i'll send some flowers."

"She'd like that. I actually wanted to see if you were free tonight? I don't really want to catch up here. Thought I could, come to your place, after work maybe?"

"Sure," Even though it seemed like a bad idea, rehashing the past, he and Zoe had been friends for a long time. No matter what he'd felt for her and what had happened since she'd left, that hadn't changed. They had an ease and that would never go away.

"By the way, where's Donna? Someone else was at her desk?" She said, indicating behind her.

_And the penny drops..._

"She resigned. Left, two weeks ago." He ignored the slight kink in his own words, but Zoe was a smart woman.

"Oh. I'm sorry Harvey." He tried not to let the pity in her voice irk him as she searched his face. "Things have really changed around here haven't they?" He could tell what she really meant even though she hadn't said it. It did feel like a burn, a slight, the fact that important people in his life were leaving and choosing not to stay with him over and over. _And always women..._

"Yeah, we'll i've got a few things to finish up here,"

"Yeah I better go, but I'll come by around 8?"

"Sure."

_The whole damn situation was backwards..._

* * *

_'Self professed... profound_  
_Till the chips were down_  
_...know you're a gambling man_  
_Love is a losing hand_' - Amy Winehouse, 'Love is a losing game'

* * *

Out of all the things that Donna had craved in her week - now weeks - off, this was not a craving that she'd expected to develop in any lifetime. But as she stood there in the hallway, outside his door, clad in silver heels and red lipstick, she knew that some things were changing now and her position in life had changed. She knocked and waited, knowing he never bothered looking through the spyhole. She wasn't sure how he'd react being that she'd all but thrown him out of her apartment the last time, but she needed this. She'd been replaying it in her head for a couple of days now like some personal porno, every moment playing in stereo, until the details had become vague or exaggerated.

When the door opened she braced herself.

"Hey,"

"Donna," He said, expression on-edge as he watched her glide down his hallway. A flutter of nervous energy escaped her as she turned around to meet him. "What's going on?" He asked.

"I just," She answered the rest of the question by bringing his lips to hers, her hand wrapped around the nape of his neck. He responded, just for a second in kissing her back, before pulling away.

"Donna wait, I"

Before he could finish a voice called out, "Harvey, you okay?" a distinctively non-american sounding woman's voice raised the red flag. As she turned towards the sound coming from the lounge, Zoe Lawford appeared at the other end of the corridor.

"Hello, Donna!" The woman said, her voice friendly as she walked to meet them both.

"Zoe...Hi."

"How are you?" She asked, head and hip tilting in unison.

_**WHAT.**_  
_**THE...**_

Her mind began to race, throat becoming dry as she looked between Harvey's tense demeanour and Zoe's welcoming expression. "I'm good, I just...I was in the neighbourhood...and I needed to, talk to Harvey, about...Mike's birthday...thinking of ideas, you know. We were thinking film themed...fancy dress?"

Harvey knew better than to blindside her and kept quiet.

"Oh, that's really thoughtful...by the way, Harvey told me you'd left the firm? To be honest, I was shocked."

"Yeah, well, New horizons." She chortled, a flicker of little wide-eyed panic escaping her.

"But you and Harvey have worked together for...forever... why now?"

"Well, uh." Her mind was doing back flips, stomach lurching and bending and she could still taste the damn man on her lips. "Lots of reasons. Change of career path." She said through gritted teeth. "Well, I can see that Harvey, you two, are busy... so I'll leave you...," She eyed Harvey just enough to make it look convincing. "Don't forget about the party? And Zoe...It was...nice to see you again."

"You too Donna, take care." the woman replied cordially.

She forced as nice a smile as she could muster, turning on her heel and hot footing it out of there as quick as her feet would let her.

Before she was able to hail a cab, he'd caught up with her, breathing a little heavier than he'd ever seen. Damn it he was fast.

"Donna, **stop**."

The moment she saw him roll his eyes at her anger flared up in her chest.

"Harvey, just don't okay. I just pulled about five minutes of impro out of my Ass!"

"She just came by the office today," He replied cooly.

"And you just what? Invited her back for a friendly 'catch up'?" She whipped back around, hand waving at the passing cars.

"Donna I-"

"I will not to be this person Harvey, I can't."

"You don't have to be, just let me explain-" He reached for her but too slow as she side stepped him, all flame and firey hair.

"Just answer me one thing. Before she left...did you sleep with her?"

Her eyes searched his, not because she wanted to discover the answer; she knew it already; but to figure out if he would say it. For a moment he squirmed, hands digging in his pockets.

"What? What has that got to do-"

She interrupted. "DID. YOU. Sleep with her?"

"...Yes." He finally said.

A bitter laughter fell out her mouth, her eyes starting to fog over. She would not be crying today. She shook the hair out of her face, features contorting at the water threatening to leave her tear ducts.

"I must be really stupid..." She mumbled to herself, exhaling before looking into his eyes. "I don't want to see you...for a while... don't come to my apartment. Don't call me. Don't send Mike over. As far as you're concerned, I am on vacation and out-of-state." The hard and wild look in her eye kept him at bay as she eventually flagged a cab.

She left him on the sidewalk without so much as a look back.

* * *

_For these wounds I cannot stay,_  
_You've gone too far_  
_You've broke my heart,_  
_You've gone too far_ ~ 'Gabriel' by Joe Goddard

* * *

They'd decided to meet at the little Bistro Rachel had been raving about on West 55th Street, classic, elegant and the polar opposite of how Donna had felt for days.

"I just...can't believe it." Rachel shook her head, as Donna sipped her coffee.

"Which part? That I'm stupid, or that I am **really** really stupid?" She said picking up her fork and assaulting her salad leaf by leaf, the tension sharp in her hand.

"Any of it. Perhaps she did just come to his apartment to explain, to say sorry for leaving New York?" She deduced. "I mean you did say she'd left in pretty sad circumstances?"

She could always count on Rachel to put a positive spin on matters but now was not the right time.

"That's what I hate. The fact that if she had stayed, they'd be together."

"Donna, you don't know that,"

"I know Harvey." She said, stabbing at another piece of lettuce.

"He didn't know how you felt and he liked this woman, it's not a crime."

"Really? Is that what you told yourself when Mike's High School Sweetheart/turned adulteress showed up on the scene?" She said.

"Okay, you have a point. But the fact remains that you are both here and she is not. You both have a history before and after her." Rachel said, cutting up her Roulade.

"Maybe we have a little too much."

"Has he tried to call you?"

"No, Harvey isn't that brave. Besides I'm pretty sure I showed him enough crazy for oh, three lifetimes?" She put down her fork, appetite lost as she wiped her napkin. "I just... I hate it that I let him get to me. All this time I've been lying to myself, thinking I was fine, I was above it; sure we had some possible *mutual* feelings five years ago, but I'd said no and I'd had the moral high ground then, but now? Now I'm just...another woman. Like any of the other women I've seen pass through his 'bimbo bubble'."

"You are **NOT** a Bimbo. You're **_Donna_**. Maybe he just needs time. And if he doesn't, then you got out now, instead of later which would have been worse."

It was always the best, the most real advice that hurt the most. At least she'd gotten out now, _instead of later..._

* * *

_'cause the sky is breaking,_  
_it's deeper than love,_  
_I know the way you feel,_  
_like the rains outside,_  
_speak to me,_ ~ 'The Sky is Broken' ~ Moby

* * *

When Harvey had dragged Mike out of the office at eight, mumbling something about 'needing a drink', Mike had them settle on a quiet bar just out of the business district; a vaguely sports oriented bar with varied beers and a warm if not slightly dingy atmosphere. At first Harvey had sneered at the look of the place; worn down walls, a thin layer of dust on all the sports memorabilia, clashing with his Armani suit until the bartender acknowledged Mike with a nod, settling some beers down on the bar without asking for the cash.

"You know, Donna must be the only woman that you can't nail down in this town. Aww, see how I rhymed there, like a Pro." Mike half-sang, taking a swig of his beer. In this instance the young man was going to crack the egg of Harvey Specter piece by piece.

"Funny. Real funny. How are you and Rachel these days?" Harvey jibed, settling his beer on a nearby coaster.

"Touche. But seriously, your luck with her is really bad. Like 'tragedy' bad. And having her turn up when Zoe was there...not the way to her heart."

"Who says I want to get to her heart?" Harvey said with a trademark dry tone.

"Oh come on, you can't fool me. I know you love her, the jig is definitely up on that one."

"She said she doesn't want to see me for a while." He divulged, flattening the moment. A sadness swept into his tone as he played with his beer, eyes focusing on the half-ripped label.

"Ouch. I don't really blame her though," Mike said, the alcohol warming his empty stomach.

"You're supposed to be cheering me up here!"

"Am I? Come on Harvey, have some accountability."

"Mike, I haven't actually done anything wrong... I was seeing Zoe, that didn't work out." He clarified, eyes

"It doesn't look good though, having her come in and see Zoe there,"

"Oh that reminds me, you're having a surprise fancy dress party for your birthday. Remember to look suprised." He said, nodding as the bartender placed another round of beers alongside them and Mike nodded his thanks.

"Okay, I'm not even going to try to understand what that has to do with this... look, you need to apologize to her. For a guy who's fought his way to the top you seem to be giving up early on this one." He said, passing a beer to Harvey who downed the one he had.

"I'm not giving up, I'm just... at a loss. This is Donna. It's a lot harder to figure out how to get around her when she knows me better than I know her."

"Harvey, don't try to get around her. Just be honest with her and try not to suck at it."

That told him.

* * *

Almost there! Thanks for the read.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

Where would I be,  
If this were to go under?  
That's a risk I'd take,  
I'm froze by desire  
As if a choice I'd make - 'Islands' ~ The XX

* * *

"How's the new assistant?" Jessica asked, eyes not leaving her screen as Harvey sauntered into her office.

"Fine,"

"Fine? That bad, huh?" She asked in her usual inquisitive tone, lifting her head to raise an eyebrow at him.

"No just...fine. Does the job," He replied, seeming bored in her presence which was unsual.

"No 'Donna' then, I imagine?" She asked, waiting to see his reaction.

"No. No Donna. You wanted to see me?" He said, changing the subject.

"Take a seat." She gestured to the sofa, walking to join him and perching on the end. Lately he'd taken to a quieter demeanour. Not sad, just quiet, reflective, taking in everything and questioning most things without really sharing himself.

"You know what I'm going to say? She asked.

"Actually... no."

"Harvey, you're ready."

She let the weight of the words settle on his face, the slight twitch of his mouth as he worked it out, the minute furrowing of his brow. For a minute he seemed to gauge the situation, straightening his jacket against his slightly twisted posture.

You don't seem that enthused for someone who's been demanding for it since...you got here?"

"I'm...thank you, Jessica."

Her eyes roamed his for a second; that glint in her eye twinkling to match a knowing smile as her arms crossed over herself. She glided to the window, taking in the evening skyline.

"Harvey, I just offered you Managing Partner on a silver platter and that's it? You've wanted this since the moment you came back from the DA's office. What's the deal? ...Wait, let me guess... you feel like it's not a win without Donna being here."

"It's as much hers as it is mine." He said simply.

She acknowledged the fact, nodding before inhaling a breath, seating her herself at her desk.

"You realise of course, that as Managing Partner you get to call at least some of the shots?" She said; a hint of play on her lips. They would always come to blows. They were a very dynamic team, but Harvey would always have his moments and she worked the good with the bad same as he levelled her out on more than one occasion.

"I meant it when I said I wanted to work with you on everything." he insisted, unsure of where the conversation was heading.

"What I mean is, you don't have conduct yourself with the same kind of ...**control**, as you did before. No one is going to call you anything as long as you are a strong and capable leader."

"Jessica I," He spluttered a little, posture hardening.

"Do I need to spell it out? Look, I know about you two. I know that she was the one to say that it would hurt your career back then. She was right, it would have. But,** that doesn't apply now**. So, think about it."

A moment of time stood between them as they said nothing, Jessica watching Harvey take in all the information at once. _He could be such a guy sometimes..._

"I will." He said, trying not to look taken aback and settling for a reserved interest as he rose from the seat, starting to make his way to the door.

"Oh… and Harvey?"

"Yes?"

"Congratulations. I'll make it official on Monday."

* * *

'A moment of love  
A dream  
A laugh  
A kiss  
A cry  
Our rights  
Our wrongs  
A moment of love' - 'Sweet Disposition' ~ The Temper Trap

* * *

Since working with Harvey, Rachel had gotten a glimpse into the world which Donna orbited; a strange and private world full of known truths and the protection of a unit within the firm's walls. A family created within a family; something which intrigued her endlessly. However, the fact that she'd gone five years without ever perforating that bubble continued to puzzle her. On one side she had a very good friend, who up until recently had worked within square footage of her every day; and on the other side a young man, with whom she'd shared an intimately romantic connection with, and yet, she had had no link or one-to-one acknowledgment with the person in the middle: Harvey Specter.

That is, until recently.

Now she had discovered things about him first hand, just in their small conversations so far; 1: He listened to Donna i.e. about why she and Donna were friends, the qualities and traits that Donna must have found valuable in a person such as herself, 2: He trusted Mike; letting him take focus on cases, allowing him to take the reins in court, and 3: Like Donna had once said; '_he closes not only situations but people'_. He understands their intent, their witticisms and their weaknesses. He saw straight through her Dad, and insisted on his love for her in a time where she couldn't have plotted her relationship with her father on a map of the future.

However, through all of that constant wisdom, with Donna:

He'd failed not once  
Not twice,  
But at least three times to her knowledge and maybe counting.

This puzzled her even more.

Here was this man who could tap into each individual and establish a way around them and yet the one person he couldn't work out he was the closest with. And if he couldn't figure it all out, then in her mind, it was time to be told.

And if there was one thing she knew, it was that Harvey respected people being honest, forthright and frank, even if he didn't want to hear it.

She knocked on the glass frame, waiting for him to look up.

"Hey Rachel, can I help?" He said, his usually cool reply laced with sharp corners and something pensive in his features. _He must be having a bad day..._

"Do you have a minute?" She asked.

"Shoot." He said, eyes gradually leaving the computer in front of him. The quiet attention Harvey gave her was not lost on her. He respected Donna's closest friends. It was hard in this matter to overturn everything she'd found out from her friend and just genuinely like the man in front of her.

"Um, Okay," She took a breath, sitting down on one of the leather seats in front of him, trying to look poised but feeling overwhelmed at the scrutiny. "Firstly, congratulations on making Managing Partner; Mike told me. Pearson Specter...that's...WOW."

"Thanks, but you didn't come here to say that, did you?"

"No I didn't, look, It's not my place but-"

"But you're going to say it anyway." He interrupted.

She could tell he wasn't going to make it easy for her; so she dove in and hoped for the best.

"Okay. Look, if you don't...**love** Donna, then you have to let her go."

She felt a flight in her stomach as his eyes found level with hers. But something deeper than her gut instinct made her continue. She looked at the ceiling like she was reciting third grade math. "The situation with Zoe hurts because she's certain you and Zoe would have... you know, still been something if she hadn't left. And I'm trying not to pry, but you need to say something to her, at least explain…even if it is true."

For a moment he didn't say anything, but pushed away from his desk a bit, leaning back in his chair letting his eyes trail to the skyline.

"You're a good friend." He finally said.

"She's done the same for me," She countered.

"With Mike," He reaffirmed. It suddenly dawned on her just how intimate their little four-person world had been, and how she'd missed out on the awful dread that came with kind-of friends knowing friend's business.

"Yeah, of course," She said, cringing. "You probably know everything about that!" A nervously dry laugh escaped her. "I just, she's not as strong as she seems. I never realised that until..."

".._until she left_. Me neither." He said quietly, eyes losing hers for a moment.

"Okay. Well uh, thanks for hearing me out," She floundered for a second, before getting up and straightening her skirt enough to walk quietly out, ignoring the goose-pimples forming.

"Rachel?" She turned as he caught her nearly at the door.

"Yes?"

"How is she?" He asked delicately, holding the question on his lips.

"She...I think wishes that nothing had changed; however much she needed it to. But, she's **_Donna_**..."

She supposed that the turning up of his mouth was an almost smile of recognition. The woman left an impression on everyone.

* * *

'Nothing's gonna change my love for you  
I wanna spend my life with you  
So we make love on the grass under the moon  
No one can tell, damned if I do  
Forever journeys on golden avenues  
I drift in your eyes since I love you  
I got that beat in my veins for only rule  
Love is to share, mine is for you' ~ 'La Ritournelle' ~ Sebastian Tellier

* * *

The 11th time … she knew the day would come; him turning up at her door. He was always a creature of habit, and often stubborn to her strongest demands; it was inevitable. From all of the things Donna had learnt in her life, she knew without a doubt the kind of people that she and Harvey were. They were nothing if not bull-headed, but with the years they had known each other neither would throw their friendship away. And so she hoped to be friends, to be something akin to what they had been if they couldn't be anything more. She also expected them to get it all wrong again. She just didn't expect any of it to happen at 10am on a Sunday.

Hearing the knock, she opened the door and there he was. No suit, no flowers, just a pair of jeans a slightly unbuttoned shirt looking unusually casual.

"Hey," He said, rocking a little on his heels.

"Hey," She replied, a slight awkward tone lacing the letters together.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"Yeah sure, why not," She said, the dry tone escaping her.

She side-stepped just enough to let him through before shutting the door and removing the towel from her head, rubbing the moisture out of her hair. "Want some tea?"

"Sure, why not." He replied, looking just as out of place in her apartment as the garish Christmas gift Mike had gotten her.

"How's work?"

"I've not started yet,"

"Feldman & Klein... their...not"

"Harvey," She warned rolling her eyes at his immediately de-heading of a rival firm and changed the subject. "How is the firm?"

"Pearson-Spector...I made Managing Partner."

"Yeah I know." She said, containing her smile. She was still proud of him and it hurt a little that she hadn't been there for it.

"Rachel?" He asked, not waiting for her nod but rather making up his own mind on just how she was still in the loop.

"So, a bigger office for you then?"

"Yeah, you'd like it. Lots of room… for my … _balls_,"

"Well, they must be bigger now after all," She joined in the banter and was thankful for the lifting of the mood.

"Yeah," He shoved his hands in his pockets. "We miss you,"

"Harvey," She warned a second time,

"**_I_** miss you." He pressed, advancing on her.

"I miss you too Harvey, but you know what? I'm actually ok-" The rest of the words were lost against his lips. She hadn't had the time to register his actions, striding over to her to gently capture her lips in his, one hand guiding her chin and the other clutching at the fabric of her lower back. The kiss deepened, sucking at her top lip causing her to immediately reciprocate, moaning as her hand pulled his waist to hers, the other snaking around his collar, finding the fine hairs on back of his neck standing to attention. For a moment all that she felt was his breath, hot and wet, and heady need taking them to a place she wasn't even sure she wanted to go again.

"Wait, stop, I can't do this again!" She said suddenly, catching a breath and swallowing, the taste of him still on her; the smell of him even making her a little dazed. "You just expect me to open the door, and you kiss me and then what?" She asked, a little wild eyed wet hair sticking to her head.

"No, actually, I expected for you to open the door, and let me tell you what I came to tell you, but then, I saw you, and the plan, "

"You had a plan?"

"The plan, just kind of went away. God, you're infuriating."

"You made Ray drive half an hour to tell me I'm infuriating?"

"No, I came to tell you... that I'm sorry."

For a second they were sizing each other up like predators ready for a match. Backs at the ready; sharp features even through the haze that kissing had made.

"For what?" She challenged him, arms folding against herself giving little protection.

"You're not making this easy on me, are you?" He smiled.

"You've had nearly 10 years of easy, Harvey. Sweat it."

"I'm sorry about Zoe. I did have feelings for her, but the fact is we weren't on the same line and I accepted that when she left. I wasn't waiting here holding a torch all this time; which is why when she came to see me I told her that I was kind of seeing someone, or at least I thought I was at the time,"

"So she doesn't know..."

"No, she guessed, I didn't have to say. But you walking into my condo looking like sex kind of sealed that."

"Sorry,"

"Look I thought you had... put the idea of us behind you. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with my personal life when it wasn't your job and I'm sorry that I made you think that I didn't care about you. If I had known before… I do care about you, in ways that I don't even understand but Mike is all willing to tell me,"

"He's a smart kid,"

"Donna?"

"Sorry, continue,"

She couldn't help but find a smile forming on the edge of her lips. He seemed so different and open and-

"So, I want to take you out, just us, you and me. Avoiding... 'The Sex'. It seems to be where we're getting it very right but also… I want to get to know you. I don't know everything about you, which for nearly ten years seems wrong."

"We'll that's because we've been focusing on you for nearly ten years." She offered.

"Donna,"

"Sorry. Continue," Her lip quirked, and she remained silent but couldn't help but measure the little shiver between her ribcage.

"I wanna see where **this**" He gestured between them,"Leads."

"…okay," She suddenly felt very small as he closed the distance so that their faces were inches apart.

"And then, after we decide what is going on, however long that takes...then I want to ask you back to the firm."

"Harvey, doesn't the first idea kind of conflict with the second?" She said, aware of his mouth and his eyes and-

"I'm a Managing Partner now, it's my choice. I want the best. And you're the best…besides,"

He made a reach for her, hands on either side of her waist pulling her toward him.

"What?"

"It's our home. And I have missed you, **every day**. From today, I don't wanna miss you for more than a lunch."

"Wow, I never pegged you for a needy boyfriend,"

"Shut up. "

* * *

Epilogue is COMING -

Such a big thanks to everyone who's reviewed. It's been hard finishing something; I'm a moments kind of girl but it's been loads of fun.


	9. Epilogue

Epilogue

She wasn't sure how she felt about his new office. Too many walls, even with the expansive work to include a larger selection of vinyl and his increased collection of balls – he hadn't been lying about that – it almost seemed too big. But this was the top of the vine. She never thought it would unnerve her. Or maybe it was the notion that everything here she'd helped him in some way to acquire; their lives had been so interwoven that only now was she really able to take it all in because there was nowhere left to climb. She was so used to fighting to get there that being at the top was a very strange experience indeed.

They however, were not strange. They were professionals and they conducted themselves no differently to how they had before, only now she'd seen a change in Harvey, a little lighter, brighter, like the past was the past and there was no use dragging it backwards. He reminded her of when they were younger, before he'd hardened and still had fun, and before lines had closed around and between them. Now, they took each day slowly and didn't rush into any part of who they were because in truth they'd only started on the path to discovering each other on this level. Things like the perfume he liked her to smell of; how to coerce him into coming to yoga with her – with promises of tight clothes and lots of inappropriate breathing – how he smelt after spending a day in bed with her, what his favourite cereal was; all small minded things that she couldn't believe she didn't already know about. Another six layers to add to their already complex relationship.

During the past month, he'd kept his word. He'd spent nearly every day with her, only occasionally taking a day when she kicked him out and told him to go get a life or when she insisted that she and Rachel had a 'girl's night' and that he was neglecting Mike. She was sure it would let up, but like every new relationship she cherished the honeymoon phase for what it was; a fleeting period in an otherwise long lasting new chapter on the horizon. And they had fire and maybe fire was what would keep them steady but moving forward.

For now she would deal with work, sex, work, sex, and Michael Ross…

"Does he have a minute?" Instead of seeing those blue eyes over her monitor, now that she'd acquired a bigger bullpen, it only meant he could now antagonise her from all angles as he leant on the edge of her desk, twiddling one of her pencils between his fingers.

"Not until three, Mike." Her eyes firmly concentrated on finishing the email she'd started.

"Are you sure? He doesn't look that busy." He gestured to the office.

"And you don't look like you're working… but I'm sure that's not true."

"I really need to-"

"No," She interrupted.

"But I,"

"No,"

"Can't I just,"

"Not. Until. Three." Her eyes turning on him made him quiver, just for a second, he considered backing away. "Don't make me stick you in the timeout corner again…Michael."

"God I've missed you. Three it is," He sighed, returning the pencil back to its place in her stationary pot.

"Oh and Mike?" She called, waiting for him to turn back around.

"Yeah?"

"**Thank you**." Her eyes weighed the real truth behind her thanks.

"...No Problem."

She watched Mike walking away, but not before taking a second to turn around and smile at her. She knew that smile. She could spot a knowing smile on Mike Ross from a mile away.

"What did the kid want?" Harvey said, tapping a file on her desk.

"I don't know, but he didn't push and I said you were busy until three." She said resuming at least half of her attention to the email at hand.

"Why'd you do that?" he asked.

"Because he has to learn that just because he's made the cut and a few runs on the ladder doesn't mean he can waltz in **there**" She gestured towards his office, "at any time. Plus, you haven't had lunch yet, and it's arriving in," She checked her watch. "4 minutes."

"Did the file from," Before he was able to finish she handed him the file, "And the" and the briefing, "And didn't someone leave a" and a message, which she neatly tucked into his front pocket with a flirty arch of her eyebrow as she smoothed down the lapel. "We still married?" He joked.

"Nine years and counting," She returned her attention once again to the computer.

"Hmm," Suddenly his eyebrows knitted together as he tried to get her full attention. "Wait, why do you sound like you're serious when you say that?"

"Because it's true…" She replied coolly. "How else do you think I schedule your life so efficiently? People are more likely to believe a wife over an assistant."

"How was that even made possible without my involvement?"

"It's possible."

Humour started to bubble up in her chest as she watched him out of the the corner of her eye, watch his mind reel, working out the information as it matured from his head to his mouth.

"When were you going tell me?" He asked, his voice sharpening.

"When you got engaged? Or...Supriiiise?"

"...you're an evil genius."

"You love it," She goaded him as he returned, a little unfocused, to his office.

She waited for the bait to be dropped in 1… 2… 3…

"Donna,"

She heard his voice over the intercom; not bothering to look his way as she continued to tap at her keyboard praying that this email would eventually end.

"Yes Harvey?" She said.

"So does this mean you're no-"

"I kept my name." She answered before he could ask.

"Wait, this note says 'I love you',"

"Well if that's what the note says..."

She heard a silent pause.

"I don't say it enough do I?" He offered.

"Nope, but...your lunch is here." She said, waving the young messenger boy past her and into the office.

"Donna."

"Yes Harvey?"

"I do...you know,"

She tried not to let the little smile form around her words. She kept herself still, game face on.

"...do what?" She asked.

"Don't push it."


End file.
